2006 is coming but here

One of my friends made the comment today that this year was memorable year. That is a very true statement. This year, to the world and my country, it had bless moments and it had terrible moment, However, personally, this year has been good to me. Thank God for that and I am very grateful to Him. This year has been the first year that I ever worked and with the same company so that was good.
So this year I am thankful for all the friends I made, even if it was for a brief moment. I am thankful that I am more independent. But most I am thankful for the life that was given to me. And, of course, I am thankful for the blogging community. I consider you guys my friends. Like I said before, in posts so long ago, you guys know more about me than friends I see everyday. So I wish you all a blessed 2006, and I hope that you fruitful in all your endeavours.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!

The love I seek

The love I seek
Where shall I find it.
My heart is calling,
And awaiting your answer.
Answer me true,
My soul dies
Without your response.
~~~~~~~~

When it comes to matters of the heart, I am very reserved. I believe in fate, tru love and soul mates. I know that I will have to give fate a helping hand and make some decisions. Some correct and and fruitful decisions. Since i was small, and understood what love is, I always imagine my true love. A love so pure and true, that you believe that your life was a fairy tale. I know I can find my soul mate. I hope that he is looking for me as well.

Friends for you

I heard one of my friends saying today that her best friend is annoying her these days. I plainly told her that people have their moments. We all have our moments when our friends get on our nerves. That is when you and that friend just need some space. Even with that before mentioned friend of mines, I needed space from her. She is a nice person, but she has this mentality of everything going her way. These are very small things like, not opening a door, not pressing the elevator buttons and other little things that I wouldn't mention. But what I really need space for, is that girl don't stick to time. OH MY GOD. That girl forever late. I can not stand it no more. Saturday gone was the last straw. I am not going anywhere with her if it is just me and her. I don't like waiting so long. And I have a lot of patience. Once I waited from 11 o'clock to quarter to 3 for this girl. The only reason I didn't leave yet is because I went by a friend that was working on the mall.
That is friends for you, but I not waiting so long again. She said she wanted to go in town early Saturday. She said that she wanted to leave 12 noon for the latest. I ended up leaving home 2:30pm. I mean I was all happy at home but as I left the house and walked out into that hot frigging sun, I just got upset and sour. Imagine being in town, hot sun, and people bumping into you and stores closing. No lie, that day I didn't do one fart, but I was just tired.
So I am promising myself not to be waiting on her so long again. And I wouldn't.

Also with this friend, she likes to do good. Meaning, she like to play the good samaritan role. Nothing wrong with that but it comes into play at the wrong times. We leave from work a night and decided to walk to the transport station. Now, on the road it is just three of us. Me and her on one side and a strange ass man on the other. Now, all of sudden, I am hearing someone shouting "Time Please. Excuse. Time Please!". At my side, I seeing my friend slowing down to address this man concerns. I told her not to stop. Also seeing that I was wearing my jacket. I told her that man doesnot know I have a watch. But still, she stop and give him the time. After, I told her when the place looking like this, meaning all dark, lonely and scary, not to stop to answer any strange man. He over on that side, he don't need to know the time, he just playing the fool cause he see us. I was just glad that little lower down the road was a bar, cause he was following us in a way.

True Words

I was watching "Woman, Thou Art Loose" lastnight on BET. During a conversation with T.D. Jakes and the leading lady, she said to him "Don't confuse talent with skill. Anyone can learn a skill." That is very true. But when does a skill cross into a talent?

Whatever you are by nature, keep to it; never desert your line of talent. Be what nature intended you for and you will succeed.

To know how to hide one's ability is great skill.

We are all born with a talent that is just ours. We were never taught how to use it or do it but we just knew. Well, I know I can draw so that is one talent that I recognize. Also, I consider my creativity a talent.

I learned how to crochet sometime November last year. The kind of person that I am, I always try to better myself or learned to do something different. Since learning to crochet, I have made hats, doilies, filets, candle holder cozies, chaplets and teddy bears. The one thing I learned on my own is how to read the patterns instructions. My aunties and my neighbour crochet their things from watching a picture and counting on the finish product.

The first teddy bear that I made I named Blue Black Bear. I made that last year christmas. One of my mummy friends came over, saw it and shake the living cuteness out of the teddy bear. It wasn't stuff good to begin with but when she put it down it was lopsided. But the second teddy that I made last month, I named Pink Sweater Bear. You can see that this toy was made with more love and patience. And no one is going to shake this teddy bear. They can touch it in my hand and may be hold. But the first sign of shaking, I going to take it away.

Explaining Your Emotions Sweetly

Explaining Your Emotions Sweetly (EYES)

On paper, we speak our words.
From the stare of your eyes,
I know what you want to say.
Our emotions will be stronger,
Than our words will ever be.
You do not need to speak,
I heard everything you said.
Look at my smile,
You know my reply.
Take note of my eyes,
It will say all just like your eyes.

~~~~~~~~

What other reasons are there that means you shouldn’t be a man. For example, the guy has a girlfriend or a wife, is a good reason not to be with him. But besides that, what other limitations are out there? Here is my story that surrounds my question.

There is an employee at a fast food restaurant that I buy from every now and again. He is a very handsome guy and always looking at me. So one day, I ask for a bag and he told me that he was deaf. First, I thought he was playing “de ass” as I thought I heard him said that he was deaf, but it was just my mind hearing the words from his actions. Every time he sees me, he just stares at me. Now, I blush very easy. I just stand there sometimes, make my order, watch him, start to smile, start to blush and then I got to look down to stop from blushing. Sometimes, I would like to know what he is thinking. Before he used stay from afar and just stare at me but the last time I went in, he got a little braver. He came to the front, and nodded making sure that I know he was watching me. My friend says that we a little thing going on there. But I doubt. I just blush easy. Very easy.

I don't think my story makes sense but has me blush like this for some time now. I figure that it is mostly curiousity that has me blushing like that. That stare is just so powerful.

Do you know

How much do you change? Do people realise when they make that simple change in their life? When do you realise that you are getting older? To me, only when you reach a certain age does things start to click. I do believe that there is a mummy clock inside women. Mines haven't alarm as yet but friends of mines are being wake up by that clock. I wish sometimes that there is no need to always think about life and where things would lead to with certain decisions. I wish that we don't have to question every little thing, but it wouldn't be life if we didn't do these things.
I admire people who know what career they like. Who have found their passion and held on to it. Once, I secretly thought about being a housewife but that was just me trying to escape from life. I have many questions for life, but I don't want to ask them. I want in time that my answers will be answered in due time. Without being ask. I want to be enlightened.
So that is for now. I will return to life that I just pause from.

Fate says we're together.

Sometimes, I wish that I can fast forward my life. Just to sit in a room for an hour by myself and fast forward my life to see where I will be. Mostly, I think about my love life. Who would be my husband? But surprisingly, if I am day dreaming, I always think of myself as a single mom. Don't know why. I always do. But thinking of myself in a reality sense, I always want a husband. I told one of my friends the other day that I wished that it was easier to find the one you suppose to be with. I told her that I wish we were given a card with the name and address of the guy. It would be alot easier.

Some guys are such tricksters that I am afraid to make a decision and choose the one that is very bad to me. Of course, the guys that I choose to like always have a girlfriend and the others that like me are very spoil.

I have been single for a while by choice. I made the decision that the guy that I choose, I must have some kind of deep feelings for. I have dated a few guys, kissed a few guys but none that I would call a boyfriend.

"Fate is a misconseption, it's only a cover-up for the fact you don't have control over your own life."

"Fate leads the willing and drags along the unwilling."

"How a person masters his fate is more important than what his fate is."

I wonder sometimes if it is silly to believe in fate, and that it is better to take a risk and live your life, but the guys I have met are not worth risking.

I believe in miracles

Yes, I have witnessed a miracles. The Soca Warriors are going to Germany.

I am not a big football fan but I am proud and happy that they have done so good. Not good. They did wonderful.

Time to drink now, tomorrow is no work.

Truth behold

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

I really wonder if this test result is true.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Some parts of this result is very true.

Where Your Friends At

I have been actually delaying myself from making a post. I just felt that I must have something to say first before I make another post. These days I realised the main thing (amongst other things) on my mind is about friends. I do not claim to have any friends though the friends I have believe that I do. But actually, I believe that they are few. The silly thing is that I am very friendly, and I will always talk to you if you had spoken. Even if I liked you or not, I can not deny the fact that I heard you speak. I always like making new friends. I like to see what other people have to offer and me to them.
Recently, two of my girl friends made the comment that I have alot of male friends. Probably, I do. I don't even know for sure. I believe that it is about the same. Each one of my friends represent a different part of my personality. But the one thing, I really do not have is a best friend. That one true friend. I have, yes, good, caring friends but not that best friend. I had one when I was young. Yes, she was good and caring but as we got older, she was more using me. I saw that early but for her being two years older than me, I never really speak up for myself. Though I have no problem speaking up for others in need. So, now I only see her when she needs something. Which I don't really have a problem. I became accustom to her not being there. I never confide in her. Old as I am and young as I was, I never did. Pen, paper and my mirror holds all my secrets. And God.
But I also believe that the people that I meet over the Internet know me better that ones in real life as they are exposed to more of me. But I am working on showing my friends more of me by showing them the poetry that I write every now and again. So life isnt over yet, I can always find a best friend. There is always hope.

Quote

I saw my mummy wrote this down. She don't remember where she down it down from but I found that it was very interesting.

"Knowing others lead to wisdom, knowing the self leads to Englightment, mastering others requires force, mastering the self call for inner strength."

Do we possess that inner strength?

Things from my journal

My Writing

Where I find that place in my mind that brings clarity and complete understanding for a moment of my life.

What I Know

Life has to have a plan even though you didn't draw it or don't want to draw it. Living about aimlessly will result in nothing. Nothing worth remembering and nothing worth cherishing. Find a purpose, know your mission and live your life.

Me

My Mission

To live life simple and happy to find joy joy and comfort from anyone.

My Purpose

To find something I know is waiting on me.

Strategic Plan

To grasp opportunities that will result in being as a successfull decision.

Poetry Time Again

To Write

To write is to breathe.
My fingers run across
The blank page of my journal.
While my hand feel the
Smoothness of the beautiful pen.
I stare unto nowhere
As I organize my thoughts.
For that moment
I will stop lying to myself.

Poetry Time Again

Love Loss

He comes home every night,
And meets me already sleeping.
This way I can cry all my tears
Without him seeing any of them.
I felt him look at me,
And I know he saw
My slow slumber breathing.
But if he had look at my face,
He would see that my eyes
Are shut too tight to be gently sleeping.
I felt his body come next to mine.
I felt no heat, no warmth, no love.
Time has passed since he held me.
Time has passed since he talked to me.
But I am not in denial.
I know that the love we had is no more.
I wished that he can confirm my feeling.
That way I know my reality true.
That way I can sleep knowing the full truth.

Psalm 48

I read psalm 48 which is for hope and the last line of the psalm read "For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death." I just meant something to me to made up this pic. Soon, I got to put it on my wall.

The way

I often wonder sometimes why I am the way I am. But a strong part of me doesn't wish to change. Life is too complicated sometimes to add that into the mix. We all have to be happy the best way we know we can be. If we don't know how to yet we will find it someday. It is there, it is just that we haven't identify it was that as yet.

Anyhoo ...

This is about me watching tv and then starting to think. I saw this commerical for Ms. Spears perfume. I didn't think it was perfume until the end. There was a part of the commerical that made me think when she said "he did something crazy" and he shot an arrow into her back. Then it came up "Fantasy". Oh my gosh. That was a sick and twisted fantasy that I want no part of.

Anyhoo, I was thinking about my neighbour and about the way he says he deal with people that might have done him some shit. He says "Just kill them with niceness". It was his advice to me when I was telling him something. I remembered thinking, "that wouldnt work one fuck for me. if my ass dont like you, I aint wasting my strength to be kind." But, I am not a mean person. I will just stay out of this person way.

I like swans

I had this pic was my desktop pic for a while. I find that it was so graceful and peaceful. It have been so long since I wrote something. I know that my mind isn't crammed with thoughts but it have a few nagging ones. I just don't want to address them as yet. All I looking for these days is fun, and I don't even want to be stress with my thoughts. But soon I will be posting again. Writing my poems and my short notes of clarity. But for the moment, I am glad that pictures can calm me down.

You want a Beautiful love, soft
but passionate. You are probably very old
fashioned and polite. You can't stand rude
people, wolf whistles are to you only
dis-respective and immature. You love nature
and everything beautiful in life. You will fall
for a guy that makes you forget about the rest
of the world.


What Love are you Fated for? ~AWESOME anime pics!~
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You are the Beta/Hunter,2nd in command.You are very
close to the Alpha and will take over if he
dies.You love the trill of the hunt and are
very loyal to your pack members.You love
puppies and are friendly,playful,and get along
with all of your pack members.^_^


What position are u in your wolf pack?
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Wow

Fate, that what will get you together, some where
you weren't planing to go, some thing you
didn't want to do but some thing told you to do
so, and here they are, standing in front of
you, you know you will find the perfect match
one day, just trust your feelings and it will
lead you where they are.


Where will you find love?
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That was the most accurate quiz I ever took. I should frame the result.

Fly High

We all wish that we can fly. One point or another, we envision ourselves flying amongst the clouds and that beautiful blue sky. Somehow, we believe that breeze can bring some clarity to us. But we cannot fly as we don't allow ourselves to. Though you know that your body would never leave the ground, doesn't mean that your mind cannot fly. It is good to understand what reality is but it doesn't mean you cannot imagine a different life. We all need to fly some point or another.

Results are ...

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Mood Ring is Light Blue

Emotions mixed Unsettled Cool

Mood Ring Generator

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others. You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around. The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it. Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Birthdate: August 22

While sometimes employing unorthodox approaches, you are capable of handling large scale undertakings. You assume great responsibility and work long and hard toward completion. Often, especially in the early part of life, there is rigidity or stubbornness, and a tendency to repress feelings. Idealistic, you work for the greater good with a good deal of inner strength and charisma. An extremely capable organizer, but likely to paint with broad strokes rather than detail. You are very aware and intuitive. You are subject to a good deal of nervous tension.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

What's your sign?

Early in my blogging history, I did a lovescopes from the Mystic Nights - Love Scope website.

I decide to post my results again. I am a leo and is very proud of being a leo as it symbolize strength. Though I am "weak" most of the times.

Leo and Capricorn - Warm
Leo and Sagittarius - Warm
Leo and Scorpio - Frosty
Leo and Libra - Sizzling
Leo and Virgo - Cool
Leo and Leo - Red Hot!
Leo and Cancer - Red Hot!
Leo and Gemini - Red Hot!
Leo and Taurus - Warm
Leo and Aries - Warm
Leo and Pisces - Cool
Leo and Aquarius - Warm

I wonder if these results have any truth to it. I wonder if it is based more on the individual or the sign that they born under how well you match. I did some searching today on soul mates and fate and I believe that I came out lost and confuse. Though I knew what to think before, I am lost now.

Dying Beauty

I wrote this poem a while now.

More quizzess

More quizzes!!!


Heart Tattoo


What tattoo would you have?
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You have a caring relationship. You two care for
each other, even with stupid faults you still
care for each other. Sure you fight alot but it
doesn't stop you from love him/her.


What kind or relationship will you likely end up with? -=Great pics!=-
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half-dark/fairy, you are mysterious.


which half-breed are you???????
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Soul mates

Soul mates are ... Soul mates are ... Soul mates, I believe are two people that belong to each other. Well the way modern movies and past ones depict it. They make falling in love seem so simple. Basically, the movie shows that boy meets girl or vice versa, and a warning messages comes up "Dont let go of him or her" But to me, love isn't that simple to find. Worse yet, love isnt easy to be identified. With love, you have to know the meaning of certain words. These words are

1. Fate
2. Destiny
3. Soul mates
4. Crazy
5. Jealousy
   

Better yet, when dealing with this "L" word, you must be able to identified lust cause it will carry the same exact emotions as love. Love will carry you for ride in any which way that it wants, it don't care if you know how to drive.

Roar Baby

Finally

I update the list of blogs that I read. Something so simple got me long to do

Six Feet Under

I saw the end of Six Feet Under. It was one of those shows that made me open my eyes but I like it. I like how they show every life fast forward. Usually, when I watch a movie at the end imagine how that person life went to. It was good that I didn't have to do that.

Life

In everything in life, there must be an end. There are hardly anything that goes continous. We all know how to accept things and to expect things but, it happens so surprisingly that we can't handle it at first. Denial will always be our ally at first but reality will have to be our best friend. I try from now to understand certain things and to expect certain things. But it is no way to live seeing that we can't see around corners of our life.

I have to learn how to live.

Tomorrw is my birthday.

I will be 21 years old.

If it was simple

If it was simple to slap, punch and kick a person and get away with it, every day I would bless someone with all three. I can like a person easier and dislike them even faster than I liked them. It is that simple for my ass to just don't like you. As soon as you crawl my ass and make me 'steups' or suck my teeth, I don't like you anymore.

Spotlight

I walked to the spotlight that's waiting on me.
I held the mic in my hand and took a deep breath.
My words escape from my mouth
As my eyes search the room.
I felt the smiles and the thoughts
They were having because of me.
I, made them think because of my opinion.
I wish I could see their faces
But all I saw was the darkness.
But, I know that they can see me.
They least they know I am happy
That they came to see me.
I finish my poem.
Took a deep breath once again.
Thank everyone for coming and left the spotlight
As it waits on someone else.

Yo, Mama!

Yo, mama! Where's my bad boy? They say good girls love bad guys or at least flirt with them. Well, some good girls carry their bad boys home and some don't. But where is my bad boy? Well, I shouldn't ask that question or make that wish, as most of the guys I met are of some very shady characters. Always full of some story or some excuse to tell. Give it up guys, I will smile in your face but your ass ain't getting any more than that. But truth be told, yes, good girls (like me), like bad boys because they are opposite to us. Make us bring out a different side of ourselves. But, I prefer a guy with a bad boy look with gentlemen ways and attitude. I don't want a guy that can slap my ass down to make me commit a felony. No, thank you.

For shame

I talk to three different guys tonight and I swear to the Lord that they had the same brain. Now, that is a damn shame. Anyhoo, I did more quizzes. The last one was close to me.


A beautiful angel. God would hand pick you to be
his right hand angel. You are a blessing
beyond blessings. You are kind and helpful
towards everyone and everything. You also have
a smile to lighten up the world. You believe
everything deserves a chance to thrive and live
on to greatness. To you, everything has a
purpose and a way of living and you hold no
grudge against it.


What Type of Angel Will You Be?
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you represent the dreams in life. you are laid back
and also dream alot.


What part of life do you represent?
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You are a hopeless romantic person. You think of
love as an innocent light. You are a happy
person and you are also opptimistic. You like
the bright things in life. Many people like
you for your 'breath of fresh air attitude'.


Who are you inside?
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You are the loner. You are usually alone thinking
in another place. You don't really have many
friends to say your thoughts to and so you
think about them toward the sky. No one really
talks to you for this same reason because they
find you odd but deep down all you need is a
friend.


What Type of Person Would You be Like if You were a Anime Cartoon?
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Style, My Style

I notice my style of writing the other day. My style is the incomplete style. I start my thought and make my point but I hardly ever conclude my thought. I think it is because you can never be sure of the outcome. I write what I know, what I dream, what I believed and what I experienced. I have written things with tears in my eyes and sometimes with a smile on my face. I have often found peace in my writing. Just a moment of understanding. I have often thought of being a writer but I believe my words are only for a few and only me.

Secrets

I was reading this blog, PostSecret, for a while. Reading all the different secrets that people sent in. I even felt to make a postcard of my own. I think it will do me some good to put my secret out there, but i am yet to do that.

listen to the song

Listening to music I realise that not all songs you can take to heart. There are artistes, and there are songs that you like from a particular artistes. I dont expect an artiste that I like to always spit out good enough songs. But I need one good song that makes me meditate for me to identify with the artiste, or to at least understand and live those emotions. It is pretty clear to me that you can sing a song and like it until you read the lyrics. For example, Ciara. I like the way she sang her songs. Made me sing. Made me wish I can dance like her. But I didnt understand why I like it or what she was really singing. So I read the lyrics one day to understand what she was really saying and found out that it was absolutely nothing of interest. I still like the song but. But it is shit. But I can admit that I like songs that are shitty. So way to go, girl. Songs without a point can be number 1.

Hello All

Hi bloggers. Peeking my head in again after such a long time. I will type at a paragraph. Well I am at work at the moment experiencing my first ever bomb scare. What fun! Yippy Skippy! I have to catch up on the blogs i used to read and leave some comments. These days things are just slow. People even calling me boring. I can't really do anything about that really. Well, that is all for now. I am in the library at work and the silence is giving me a headache.

Damn

Man, my computer is on some bullshit these days.

Quizzes

You like the sweet, shy type.


What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
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You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.


What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Peek a boo

Well, you guys thought that I forgot you. Nope I didnt. I am still here reading other people's blog and giving comments. I don't want to post until I really have something to say. With that being typed, I gone. Peace out.

Eyes

To the eyes of the Lord, every Man is perfect. But to the eyes of Men, every Man contains a flaw. They may see it as being a pyhsical, mental or spiritual flaw. However, in the hearts of Men, their soul mates are perfect in every way.

Any thoughts on this?

Odd Duck Out

I really wish that I can tell the future. Sometimes I just really need to know some things. It is hard for me sometimes to understand those close to me for they can really, I wouldn't say hurt, but they do effect me mentally and emotionally. I am at a lost again. At a lost in this family, Sometimes I do really feel like the odd duck out in this family. A feeling I had that is always coming back.
I never have a voice in this family and may never will.
Will I ever find peace with that? That is a question only time will tell.
I have given my time to understand them, but it seems that they don't care to understand me. Soon I may stop trying. Soon I may not even care.

Place In Our Hearts

I wrote this a day while i was listening to a song:

Why don't we go
To a place we found
In our hearts.
Stay there and feel
Warm from our love.
Cry for them who will
Never experience this.
Smile with those
Who can understand this love.

blog hop

i haven't blog hop much these past few, what, days, weeks, or even a month or so. i have to do some browsing to see what kind of minds are out there and also i have to update my blog reading list. there are blogs that worth mention.

Observe

Oh, I don't know where I am again these days. I am just observing everything again and not partaking. I like to just listen at times but I don't want to left behind. So as I am getting older, I am taking on my responsibilities. I handle my stories and don't ask for much. I use to tell people that if I ask for something is because I really need it. If I want something badly, I will get it for myself or do without because it is not important. I like to observe people. Me ain't no stalker so don't get twisted. I watch how some people interact will certain people, their personality and character. Off the bat of just seeing someone, I know if I even want to small talk to be their friends.

I will continue later!

Reading

Excuse me please, if this post doesn't flow. It is hard to keep a thought and listen and sing along with music.
I read over some of my older posts the other day. Reading the words, I couldn't remember that day. I couldn't remember the mood and meaning why I made that post. It was just my outlet. I still find it is easier to write than type but I have never kept a hard copy journal before. Some how that still requires me being determine to keep writing in it. When I was reading over my posts, I started to think about my limited talents. They, being my talents, are only based in my creativity. My drawing, my poem writing and my small time designing webpage and cd covers. This blog and my page at blackplanet are my two longest projects that I have ever held on to. So I am proud for that.

Blah Blah

I am a funny sort of person. And I know this. I have know that for years. Where most people would have been "creak creak" about something, I would be "blah blah". But only according to what. I know that I can not do anything competitively. For all the speed and strength that I had would just go to waste as soon as it turns into a competition. I hate to lose the joy I had for something. I have experience that few times and it is sickening.

Train Of Thought

It has been a while since I had a serious thought or maybe not. My purpose is not to remember every single thought that flies through my head. The thoughts that are repeated the most are the ones that I dive more into. The ones that I attempt to lose myself in. I like to lose myself in my thoughts once I can. I like to see where it would lead to. What desires I had hid even from myself.

I enjoy listening to music. I was asked this evening what kind of music I like. I responded by saying whatever grabs my interest. I explained by saying, I may like a song but not the group or a certain genre, just that particular song. But first I will explore the other songs that group or person may have to offer, and if I don't like it well then it is just that one song. But if I do like the other songs then I like that group or person. I have music to listen to for all moods. Music for postings, music for projects, music for crocheting, music for washing, music for when I am depress and music for just to listen to music sake. I hate it when people think you should always be in one specific mood. I am human just like them unless I wasn't told.

But while I was making this post, I was experiencing one of my thoughts I had the other day. I felt I haven't use my blog the way I was suppose to. Express things I wanted to express and say and let out. I know that I have done that but this blog was suppose to be very personal and it wasn't.

That is all for now. My train of thought was crash in a hill where the tunnel was not made yet.

Looking

I feel like I am losing track of me. I am a way these certains days that I am going to try to stop. I didn't actually make myself like that but I know I cant stop, so I will. I know that in this life I will meet different kinds of people, listen to different types of music and taste different flavours that food holds. I know that everyone has secrets. Everyone has something that they prefer they only know. I understand that people have different attitudes towards different topics and ideas. Like I was saying, I know me. But the me that I want to be is still afraid to scream and shout out loud.

I was doing a trini search on google and came across a trini joke. Here is the joke:

"Trini Hell Joke"

Trini Hell......A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Trinidadian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Trinidadian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?" Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work, someone stole all the nails, and the devil used to be a public servant, so he comes in, punches his time-card and then goes back home..."

My Brain

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

I Hate Hoggish People

Do you guys understand that terminology "hoggish". Well, before I start, this post will have some obscence language used within it. So I will say sorry now to anyone you might find that I swear too much.

My day at work was spoiled by a cunt.

I called this morning at a place to query something. So politely I asked my question. The lady started to shout and scold me. I already knew that employees at that place was hoggish or unfriendly but I guess I didn't understand to what degrees this person was at. On a scale of 1 to 10, she was 100. 100 being a really fucking bitch. I tried my best and succeed at keeping my cool. I made this call a while after 8 this morning. Hoping that the employees weren't at their hoggish ways as yet, but to see at that time, they can be a cunt, makes me wonder. And the fucking thing about is that I have to go there tomorrow. I hope that things will go at a mellow level. I really don't want to spoil a Friday and a weekend. Funking Cunt.

Oh yes! I really needed that post. I was upset for the whole day. I don't like to quarrel with people so I really really needed to let it out. I some kind of way I feel better. But I doubt I do.

Reflecting

At the beginning of this post, I had a very good topic to typed about. But then, my mom was talking to me and the idea just started to slip until it was gone. Even though I had started to type, I couldn't get back my flow of thought. So I just backspaced everything.

But before that thought, I was listening to a song and wondered where they get their inspiration and creativity. These days I am searching within myself. I am just searching to see what I will find, what I will like about me and what I will hate. But the best why to see your myself is through another one's perspective. But whose's perspective will you value. It is very easy to dismiss one's comments who you dislike and take to heart remarks from a love one. I know what I am at this moment and all I can be is happy. This is the happiest I have ever been about myself. I wouldn't for anything say "in my life".

While I am at work, and have nothing to do which is sort of rare these days, I write. I write to appear busy. These are some of the things I wrote. Well, they may not make sense but I was just writing for appearance purposes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(1)
"What if, What if"

What if, what if
A phrase I hate to
Start my thoughts with.
What if cannot bring
Change to my past.
Only pain and more
regret for the future.

What if, what if
A phrase I used to
Explain and express my dreans.
What if can summons
My desires and shine
Light on my dreams.

(2)
I Rise

The day I rise and I understand who I am is the day I found myself.
My search from now is to understand me, believe inme, be happy with me.
My goal is to make accomplishments I am or will be happy or proud of.
It is me to live my life.
To make decisions and choices according to me.

(3)
What I See

I am standing on a stair which makrs "career". This is where I make my decision. What carrer appeals to me? Which fiel will be rewarding? I need to have an idea at least.

(4)
Peace At Night

I smile into the sky
As I step into the ocean.
As I walk to the horizon
My fingertips playfully
graze the surface.
I smule at the sky
Just one last time
As I carry myself
Below the horizon.

(5)
Night's Eyes

Standing, looking up in the sky,
I saw the beautiful night sky eyes.
I look past these eyes
And into my own soul.
I heard a depress sigh
With a face that is glowing.
I felt to fly into the sky and swim
Amongst these beautiful eyes.

(6)
Do

What is there to do when there is nothing to do. Now I feel notice. Big red sign I am. Flashing its bright colours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the end of this posting session, I remembered what I orginially wanted to say but I changed my mind.

Nerd I Am Not

Bye Bye Carnival

Bye bye Carnival! See you next year, god willing!

Ah yes, Carnival. It was good as usual. I think I have to start doing more stuff when It coming around to Carnival. Like going some fetes and playing some mud mas. But that is just a thought. I like to spectate and not take part.

Why

Why are we a certain way? Why do we wish to do something different if we get the chance and then still do the same shit. Well everyone may not be like this, but some of us are. I can be like that sometimes, but I am a work in progress. We all have many regrets which can be a burden if we do not know how to put it behind us. Some things just like to come back to hunt us and it is very sad. I wonder if i get the chance to change something from my past, if I would? I really cannot answer that question unless it depends on a certain situation. We all learn from our regrets and humilating moments. It has made us the way we are and all we can do is feel proud, if we can feel proud.

Just a simple thought.

oh my, this is me

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

update

just saying i am still here. i having nothing really to post. nothing funny or strange to report.

Meditation

It have been a while since I posted the way I used to. I used this blog to put down my fears, my thoughts and my troubling thoughts. Writing, in this case, typing was my form of meditation. These days, my thoughts have been on the future, but I didn't need to really post on it was I was meditating a different way. I recently learned to crochet. I would start at around 7pm or 8pm at night crocheting to 2am in the morning. Usually, my bedtime would have been at 2 am, so this just give me something to do. While I am crocheting, I usually think about my future. What plans I would make? What kind of life I would lead? If I would to get married? If I was to live somewhere else? I run through my thoughts so fast these days that I hardly write or type any more. I am, sometimes, more calm.

With anything that I learn, once I like what I learn, I improved. And always keep improving. I go to this crocheting site for free patterns or ideas. I have made doilies, potholders, a teddy bear, skull caps and several other things. The best that I have made was a filet doily with my name "JOSIE". It is white. I can't describe it any better than that.

The New Year Wishes

I sometimes feel that I cannot make wishes. I am sometimes afraid to make wishes. Sometimes, I am unsure what to wish for.

The new year has started and I don't really know what I want. Well, I in all truth I know, but I am still a little confused about what I want.