Nasty Friend

These past few nights, I had some very curious dreams. I will tell you part of one I had lastnight. It involves two guys from my area that I don't talk to, and the friend that I post about some time ago. She is the friend that I have that only knows me when she wants something.

Well, in my dream, I had walk up to the top of my street where they were. I had these two dogs that came rushing up to me wanting to bite me. (Not big dogs) Luckily, I was able to fight off the dogs. But while I was fighting off the dogs, my friend did nothing and the guys didn't even call off the dogs. So after a little while, I told the guys to please call their dogs, which one of the guys did so. The dogs left me alone and I started to talk back down the road. I looked at them and they were smiling. Suddenly again the dogs rush me again. This time I was able to fight them off and keep them off. Then I looked at the guys and my friend and said, "Nasty Fuckers".

I remember that part of my dream so clear. I actually looked at my friend and curse. The other night before I slept I was thinking. Everyone has someone that they call their best friend. But since I was small, I was never able to give anyone that title. I feel so alone sometimes when it comes to friendship, not companionship, but friendship. Well atleast, I have good friends. But that dream, it will stay on my mind for a good while. I am even feeling to stop calling her a friend.

How can someone you grow up with just throw you aside like it is nothing?

This was a girl, that everyone thought we were sisters. They always saw us together but, I now see that I was a convenient friend. There for when she needs me. I understand that people can grow apart but still, that is something to me that is done over time. I don't text or call, or even visit her and we living on the same street. She had thrown me aside so, I stayed where I was thrown. She always finds me when she needed something done, but now, she has things in place where she can do that herself. I will just give her no reason to use me. That time is long gone.

Look past my expression

I wonder if people understand me. I know that they don't and I know that they don't even try. At times, I can just fall so quiet and stay to meslef. All I want to hear is music around. Nothing else. I wish for two things in my life. One - Friendship like the girls on Sex and the City. Two - To find love that resemble a fairy tale. But as much as I will feel sad, I can not complain. My life is simple and quiet. Most days will past before something exciting finds its way to me.
I have been told before that "you have to happy yourself happy". I agree with that advice but I usually and always I have to go with someone else's time. Hang out when they want to. Most of the friends that have, well the girls, they got boyfriends, and they spend most of their time with their boos. I am happy for them. These friends always make sure that they have boyfriends, and I wasn't life that. I made a vow to myself that my next boyfried, I must have some real feelings for him. Nothing is going to be on whim like before.
Then the guys that hang out with me is cool. Few of the guys like me but they got girlfriends, and I don't do that cheating thing. If I don't know, well then. But dont tell me you have a woman... and child, and then say that you real like me and want a kiss. It will never happen.

But I still wonder, if people does look behind my eyes, and detect any kind of feelings. But then again, I can hide very good. I let them see what I want them to see. But the guy find I to love, better be able to read me like a frigging book. He better be able to make me free up. Cause I can, I am just keeping for him.

Ha ha. But I am saving some really good parts for him.