Puzzle Pieces

for a couple to be a couple, they must fitted together like pieces from a puzzle. isn't that true? it makes no sense to be together if the vibes are too opposite. they do say opposites attract but still in those opposites you see a little bit of yourself. but what would you do if someone sees theirself with you but you can't see it? what is the nicest possible way to tell them that you and "whoever" that it not going to happen? to me, according to the way they are, is how you will tell them.

Just An Entry

yes, once again i am seeing myself in slow motion. i have nothing much to say for this blog, i just felt like making an entry before going and sleep. today, well looking at the time i should say yesterday, was surprisely a slow day but not dull. i wasn't really home but i just felt slow. i didn't even watch tv much, i played some music. i now why my day was slow. i spent the length of Love Don't Cost A Thing in the barbershop. i spent the length of a whole movie in the barbershop. i heard no gossip though. i wish i did. the movie was good but i wasn't interested. i was interested in food instead. me was hungry!

i saw I, Robot some days ago. Will Smith looked damn good, i mean, DAMN good, in the bathroom scene. he is one of my favourite actor.

beauty of candlelight

my brother likes scented candles. he has two and he give one to mummy. i was looking at them and he told me to put the blue in my room for a while. now, i don't know the scent of this one but it smells nice.

now, having this scented candle lit in my room i had to take off the light. the sentimental side of me had to come out. to me, candlelight is a synonym for romance. to have a dark room lit only by some candles is the setting for many sex scenes in movies.

so with this candle lit i was listening to some slow lovey songs, or just some slow speed songs. one of the songs is r. kelly, the greatest sex.

Just Too Much

I wrote this earlier in the day. I just want to share it now.

I was doing my school work and I had to stop and clear my head.

I am fed up of everything. I don't care even when I do care. These feelings, thoughts are not right for me. They surround my every other thought I am having. I can't help feeling like this. That everything won't be right.

I need a change in things and a hope of everything being better though it seems sh!tty.

I do believe that everything will work out for the better. I just can not make myself believe it right now. I hope i can find "hope". And early too.

Results to me

I did a quiz a time and this was my result:

You are Sponge Bob Square Pants: You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend anyone could ever want to have and never want to loose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people & then you will be stress free.

I would like to believe that is me. The results not the character. (^_^)

Think, T~H~I~N~K

Well, I wonder if I have anything, at least something, to report.
Well, what did I do yesterday.
I did schoolwork. Surprising and shocking to me but I had to do it.
Well, what happen to me yesterday.
An ant bit me on my foot. So I killed it. Another, though, the ant friend tried to bite me but I caught the sucker.
These days I feel like I have no feelings. I feel numb. Like if I am just watching myself do everything. My thoughts are not even important. My mind is just totally blank and uninterested. I think that is why I am watching so much t.v and listen to music: as a way, not to have thoughts.
Can you imagine that? There was a time when my thoughts are what kept me sane and now I am afraid to have any. I am afraid that I will acknowledge more fears and doubts. I don’t want to feel weak so I choose to shut myself and clear my mind. I should learn yoga. Or I can just sit with my legs fold, put on a pure moods CD or Enya, say "Om". I try to make my brother do that a time. He just watched me as if I mad. But I was doing that to him for spite.
Have you ever experience a clear mind? Not thinking anything. It is weird. I might reach enlighten. :D
I am just silly people. Think nothing of it.
Let’s see if I can confuse you guys today.

To not think is to think of thinking that you wish you didn’t think what you thinking.

sleep is cute, sleep is mines

look at the time. it is at this moment, 3:00am and this detrymental angel is still up as usual. i have to wake up at 7:25am for a group meeting at 10:00am.
i was finishing typing up my parts for the project and i was typing a part a boy did. it was written gibberish. i started to steups and murmur a few bads words. we told him today what to write but i guess he wasn't listening all that clearly. four times we explain something to him. home here now, i realise it is something not said.

anyhoo, what did i do today. not much really besides school work. today, however, i realise that i would be home again this weekend. i might write a next newsletter but chances are that i wouldn't. i would watch alot of t.v. alot of mtv, vh1, b.e.t and the movies channels. i also watch the disney channels.

i think sleep is creeping up on me. i getting a slight headache and i am inly yawning. also surprisingly, i am hungry. but i am not going to eat anything. i will eat around 9:00am if i find the strength to crawl off the bed. i think i can already see it. i wouldn't. my bed is so sweet these mornings. well, it is 3:10am now. i ... am ... going ... and ... sleep. i will dream the dream of a dream that is a dream to be dreamed. (^_^) i might confuse some people with that.

anyhoo like i was saying, sleep is knocking on my door and he is cute so i am going to let him in.

post to post

well, i am posting just for posting sake i guess. i am listening to some music. rap music and watching vh1's most celebs beef. it going good. these days i am watching plenty of tv. i had promised myself that i wouldn't watch Andy Dick's Ass-istant, as according to him, but i had lied to myself. i find him annoying and but funny at the same time. i will watch his show. i know that if i had that chance to be his assistant i would never take it. i would lose my cool and cuss his ass.

but anyway, i am straying from a point. shocking, i found a point for my post. one of the beefs from the show was the avril lavigne and hilary duff fight. i like hilary movies, i don't want to hear her sing much. i love avril music. she can sing some good beautiful songs that a girl can identify with. i don't know if she starts acting if i would like it. but if she can act, i would like to see her in a movie. but to see them in a physical fight would be a big disadvantage for hilary. avril will beat, and i mean beat, her down. she would see smokey shouting, "you got knocked the fuck out!".

Improvement

Ok, my past few weekend have been quiet, but I didn't mind. I watch alot of t.v. and stayed out of my bedroom. Usually when I am on my computer i played only games cause I used to get bored or stucked in trying to do something. I surprised myself Saturday night by doing a newsletter. The newsletter was the same as my blog and I did a watermark and everything. I was having some bit of fun. I wouldn't believe that I was writing, or typing, something that I wasn't getting stuck with as I usually do. This was  my newsletter.
 

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Insanity is boredom related

Today, Josie slowly slipped in and out of her reality to only realise that the world that she had slip into, was worse.
Her depression, or boredom, as she calls it was brought on by having nothing to do even though she did chores around the house.
She sat home today watching television. A marathon of Bug Juice on the Disney Channel and wished she had a camp she could go to.
Besides losing her train of thought, believing that she was even thinking, Josanne decided on few list of songs that she will be choosing for her next CDs.
Being bored, Josie wrote a poem.

Where Am I

This world is leaving me
Though I haven’t left it.
Where can I be
If I don’t know myself.
A world where my future
Is approaching faster in my mind
Than in reality.
A world where I am surrounded
By many people and feel lonely.
A world where my fears
Are my only comfort,
My tears are my only joy.
"Why would I imagine this world?"
I would ask myself.
A world that I know is not my own.
Soon, my mind will leave this world,
And enter again, my sweet reality.
My sweet and sour reality
That I prefer.

Josie felt some relief after writing this poem. A thought of hers that had be weighing heavy on her mind and soul. She began again to listen to her music. I wishing that she could sing.
These are the dreams of a girl, of a young woman who had absolutely nothing to do and is unsure of how to occupy her time.
This is it for the daily, weekly, monthly issue of DeTrYmEnTaL Thoughts leaving you with this thought,
"Don’t disturb an angel that would call herself detrimental."
 

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

 
Like I said, I was proud that I did this much without getting stuck and bored. 
 

(^_^) (^_^) (^_^) (^_^) (^_^) (^_^)

Calling

Re-reading my thoughts showed me the mental place I was in at sixteen. By re-reading my diary, I felt to go back to this state.
 
Calling Of My Heart
 
My heart calls for
Someone it don't know.
The call is so strong
That I feel everyone can hear,
Everyone except for you.
My heart calls for you
Til it makes my eyes tears.
My heart calls for you
Till it makes my body aches.
I wish that one day
You will answer my heart call.
I hope that your call
Will sound louder than mines.
A call my heart is dying for.

Clarity is clear, Clarity is found

I have found that it is easier to write than to type.

Having read over thoughts and poems that I had wrote some years ago has gave me some form of relief and peace within myself. Reading over my happy thoughts made me smile and I felt good that I wrote down those thoughts when I did.

To he who doesn't know

I had a love for you.
I don't know if you knew
But I knew you could have guess.
I always smile when you were coming
Though we rarely spoke.
We, you could have said,
Danced around each other.
We sensed each other feelings
And we did, what we do best, nothing.
Now, years have passed.
Your face is still in memory
Though it is fading slowly.
I wonder where you are now
And I wonder if you would remember me.
I would, smile, as usual
When you are coming.
I hold a love for you.
A special piece of my heart
Just for my precious you.

That is for my crush though i know he might never read this. This was a follow-up to Thoughts of love.

From diary to blog 3

Standing outside looking up into the sky,
I saw a bird.
I thought, "That could be me!"
"Hey! That is me!"
I closed my eyes.

Flying high, soaring low
Feeling breeze under my wings.
I am free, at peace.
I open my eyes, I looked and saw a cat.

I thought, "That could be me!"
"Hey! That is me!"
I closed my eyes.
Licking my feet, rubbing my ears,
Purring softly and ever so sweetly.

I open my eyes.
See, I live in a fantasy world,
I am everything and I can be anything.
You think my enemy can say, "You are a fool!"

Hey, I will turn myself into a cricket bat,
And beat that fool.
Addres me as queen,
This is my world.
You may call it Rome.
You know the saying.

Let me dream for all I know
I could be a dream.
A dream that someone else is having.
Someone like ME.
Someone like YOU.

From diary to blog 2

I am currently listening to Nasty Grind by Adina Howard. It is a very beautiful songs. I am listening to slow jams kinda songs. It is relaxing my mind, body and soul.

Beauty on general

Have you ever look at something and try to capture its beauty.
Then you look at it only remembering the beauty you saw;
But there is a part in you telling you can only see it originally,
In its true form.
And you feel that you can not capture it on paper, pictures.
Only in image and thought.
Many have succeed on capturing some of its beauty,
But knows to themselves that it is not perfect.
Well, this is how I treat life.
I hold on to beauty of life
For as long as I can.
For life is worth living.
I need to see all of life beauty.
And if not all,
Most of it.

From diary to blog

When I was younger, I kept a diary like most people. I did a little searching in my room and found it. These thoughts that I read over were written when I was sixteen and seventeen years old. Here is one:

The thoughts of love

Sometimes I wish I could just say what
I feel in my heart;
The thoughts of his smile I keep in my mind
Along with images of kissing him.
Sometimes I wish he would just say upon me
That he like me;
Take my hand in his and squeeze it
And come down on my lips gently and smooth.
Fill my dreams with his body being next to mine.
I wish all these things, but I know to myself
That I will not act upon it;
Nor will he.
All I have is dreams of his lips on mine's,
His hands on my face and on my thigh,
But truly to have his hands in my hands will
Satisfy me even of it for only
One single moment...
Sometimes I wish that.

This poem was about my first and only long-lasting crush. He is the reason why I like guys with certain features, like tall and with canerows or dreadlocks.

Passages

I was kind of doubting myself tonight, so I look up my New Testament.

Hebrews
Chapter 11
Verse 1 - 3

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.
By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.

These verses brought some comfort to me.

I got my exam today.

My Usual Bullsh!t

hello, my peeps. feeling a bit wildish. i dont know why. i guess it is cause i am hungry or just a bit crazy. (^_^). today was a waste day and i dont feel like learning or even attempt to try to learn.

i have an exam. not a medical exam, but an educational one. it is cost and management accounting. it is on wednesday evening. it is a dreaded, stupid subject. i fail it the first time so have to, i mean, must pass.

i went and see Mean Girls the other night. it was really funny. it exceed my expectations. i also watched this called Shottas. this was a movie made in Jamaica i believe. this also was very good. excellent is what i should.

on a special note, i just have to say this:

trinidad is having a shortage of cute men.

just playing, but a point in time there really wasnt any to be found.

My Career Inventory

My type is: ISFJ

Introverted (I) 51.35% Extroverted (E) 48.65%
Realistic (S) 58.06% Imaginative (N) 41.94%
Emotional (F) 51.43% Intellectual (T) 48.57%
Organized (J) 51.61% Easygoing (P) 48.39%

You are a Guardian, possible professions include - counseling, ministry, library work, nursing , secretarial, curators, bookkeepers, dental hygienists, computer operator, personnel administrator, paralegal, real estate agent, artist, interior decorator, retail owner, musician, elementary school teacher, physical therapist, nurse, social worker, personnel counselor, alcohol/drug counselor.

Some of those professions look interesting.

Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test

Sorting Out

I really like the group New Found Glory. I am listening to some of their old songs and newer sounds and i like them alot.

It is nice to have something, if not someone, to bring some form of comfort to your well-being. I like my blog. Having a blog is new to me but not unfamiliar. I have a diary at MyDearDiary to record my thoughts, my rantings and my usual bullsh!t.

My mood for the day was somewhat mellow. I hardly did anything. Wait I lie. I did nothing at all. I watch t.v. and play music. The rain just kept falling today. But I like the rain. It slows down things and makes everything looks gloomy.

I dont know where I am these days. I feel lost.

Boredom is a byatch!

Yes, look at the time and I am still awake. For what reason I really dont know.

I was watching, I believe, Terminator 3 on t.v. For an action movie, it some funny parts. The fight between them in the bathroom was funny. He breaking a sink on her back and dunkinb her in the toilet was jokey. This the only time that a man and woman would fight and nobody would say that it is domestic abuse.

But in the case of the fight on the movie "Jackass", I felt sorry for the guy. That kickboxer girl would have beaten him until he cry.

I am going and sleep these days too late. That is not good. But my thing is that "sleep late, wake up late, most of the day would go, therefore would be less boredom". (^_^) Silly? I know. But where I live is just too quiet sometimes.

But today is Friday. Maybe, I might go out. It is the weekend. This Saturday is our school's sports day but I am not going. Our campus had to wear red. I feel everyone would party more than play any sports because they said to bring your coolers.

My leo love-scope

i did this love-scope, Mystic Nights - Love Scope website

this is how leos Love Potential are rated against the other signs.

Leo and Capricorn - Warm
Leo and Sagittarius - Warm
Leo and Scorpio - Frosty
Leo and Libra - Sizzling
Leo and Virgo - Cool
Leo and Leo - Red Hot!
Leo and Cancer - Red Hot!
Leo and Gemini - Red Hot!
Leo and Taurus - Warm
Leo and Aries - Warm
Leo and Pisces - Cool
Leo and Aquarius - Warm

my ex-boyfriend was a Virgo that explains why I was bored with him. Lol. Well, it shows that I have to find a boyfriend with a sign that equals to Red Hot. But cant guarantee a happy, trusting relationship.

Reality

i dont know what to do and say these days. i feel a little bit torn out, a little bit tired and a lot of boredom.

i am a dreamer. i am dreaming of this life that i know i want and believe that i wouldnt get. i realise this through the reality of my real world. i know very well my limitations and i abide by them.

but i dream at night of my alter world where my limitations can be determined by me. dreams that feel so real that i awake believing that it is true.

a simple intro

My name will be defined as

detrimental (say detri-ment-t’l) adjective, harmful or damaging

I am, on the other hand, not so harmful or damaging. I am just an angel pretending to be a devil. I am 5'7"(or a little bit shorter; I know, it is sad that know my own height), slim body and brown skin. I am attending COSTAATT (you don’t know it) and suppose to be graduating sometime after August this year with an Associate Degree in Business Management. I am friendly to those who are friendly to me. I am always willing to make a friend. Overall, I am a easygoing person.

I am as I said before, an angel... with a mischievous smile. I am a quiet person that likes to have fun and is always smiling. Or I smile when I have reason to. I am not a grinning fool. I am a leo and I love to be creative. I do have a problem of expressing my self, my thoughts and my feelings. This site has help me to be comfortable with myself. I love listening to music and i like doing quizzes.