Why That So

well i was thinking about crushes again. i was thinking how a person wants certain things from in a boy or girl. certain qualities and features that this person must have, but then a person with out one single quality you like is choosen to be your boy/girlfriend. why that so? it makes me frigthen to think what kind of husband i might find. i think this is the first time i acknowledge myself getting married. (^_^) i want to make sure that the man i marry, isnt some closet cunt. all sweet and kind during the courting process, then ring on finger, he turns into worse till death do we part. you really have to know who you marrying. you mustnt have regrets when it come to marriage.

My Dusty Brain

I haven't been sweeping out my head. I got cobwebs and some big freaking spiders roaming around without paying rent. But don't get too comfortable Mr. Spider. I got a vacuum for your ass. When I am done, you wouldn't think about come back.

Okay, people. I swept out my head and organizing my thoughts.

Seeing And Accepting

I wonder sometimes, not all the time, how people see me. I don’t really want an answer. Not even if it positive. It is something I just was wondering. I look at things and people around me and try to see them how they are. I know how I can be sometimes but that is me. I know that I can make myself not be a way but that will be detrimental to me. Every one have an aspect of their personality that needs changing. Some can change quickly and some might take years and discipline to change. Part of living on this earth, is accepting people for the way they are and not the way you want them to be. why do some people don't let people be themselves.

Mystery of a crush

I was thinking about crushes that I have liked. I, however, don’t like to use the word “crush”. To me, it feels like you putting yourself on a person. Weighing them down with all the special attention, with all the compliments and with all the flirting. I like to say “I just have a thing for him”. You may wonder why I used to word “thing”. I used it because I know myself. I know that there are guys that I like from a distance. They don’t know that you like them. There are some guys though, when they find out you like them, you start to see the flaws. All the ass-ness in them comes out. It then makes you wonder what were you thinking. Making you lose that thing that they had that made you interested.

Happy Birthday

happy birthday

to me!!!!

20 years old

today!

Old Age

old age is creeping up on me in a slow fast pace. i am getting older. no more teenage days. now i have to play the role of being an adult. i still will however act childish if i want, comb my hair childish if i want. tomorrow will be my birthday. August 22 will be 20 years in live by God's grace on this earth.

For Expression

I love to watch def poetry. I love it because I get to see people express themselves through powerful words. I love expression because it don’t have to be a tear or a smile. Expression is a sigh, a word, a phrase, a sentence, a dialogue, a movie, a song, a painting. It is anything that emotion can be driven from and into. Expression shows freedom. A freedom I wish and longed for.

This and That

This is an expression,
Expression of my time.
Time spent to amuse myself,
Myself that is usually locked away.
Locked away in a room I built.
A room I built to make my thoughts.
My thoughts that I choose to share
Share with friends that I made.

That was my expression.
A time spent to make me happy.
A pleasure that I give to myself
Without the need of anyone or anything.
I am, now lighter of a few thoughts
Making my body relax
And feeling relief that can only
Be treasured by someone like me,
And many others like you.

Envy In All Colours

I know that everyone wished that they were someone else once in their life or most days of their life. I know some people wish that they were taller, that they were that gifted, or that they were more like everyone else. I know it is wrong to be envious but it is, I guess, part of human nature to envy something.
Every thinks these things either secretly or publicly. Everybody voice their thoughts, theirs, their dreams, their hopes un all different ways. Some people impress others and some are afraid to be seen.
It makes you wonder, though, if you really aren’t satisfy with yourself, if you so wish that you wasn’t you, if you had the choice, besides plastic surgery, to have someone else’s features and life, would you choose it? Would you be happy? Really, if you had the choice would you take it.

love is ...

what is love? can anyone really explain this to me. i do not want any fairy tale or movie descriptions of love. descriptions of love like:

"butterflies in the stomach"

"head spinning"

these decsriptions can also be identified with lust. now, lust is a more common feeling than love which people are more experienced with. yes, i would say that love is a feeling but how can you really identified it within you and your loved one. some people have lusted after some one, knows this, but still say "ilove you". if love is the most common used word, then that means that it has lost of its meaning. i would believe that.

it having many couples that claim to love each other and after one agrument you can see the real feelings. so i ask again. what is love?

Relief Came

i have made my changes especially to my bedroom and i am feeling more relaxed. i have been listening to more rnb more than ever, so i guess i have no reason but be relaxed. I got this in an email the other day. Read and enjoy.

Words

The Most Selfish One-Letter Word
"I"
Avoid It

The Most Satisfying Two-Letter Word
"WE"
Use It

The Most Poisonous Three-Letter Word
"EGO"
Kill It

The Most Used Four-Letter Word
"LOVE"
Value It

The Most Pleasing Five Letter Word
"SMILE"
Keep It

The Fastest Spreading Six-Letter Word
"RUMOUR"
Ignore It

The Hardest Working Seven Letter Word
"SUCCESS"
Achieve It

The Most Enviable Eight-Letter Word
"JEALOUSY"
Distance It

The Most Powerful Nine-Letter Word
"KNOWLEDGE"
Acquire It

The Most Essential Ten-Letter Word
"CONFIDENCE"
Trust It

friends and friends

i never know it was so easy to promote and demote a friend. i didn't not throw my friend away but it seems as if she did that to me. we used to be called sisters and was seen everywhere together. now, these days, she behaving just as her brother used to do my brother. i guess it runs between them both. i have not thrown her away but i am not going out of my way to let her know i am still here. cause she knows. when she needs something, or something done, she finds me.

Update to the post - a set of shit.

there have been some resolutions.

a set of shit

a nice night of hanging out was turned into a set of shit. i wish i could share with you this situation but it isn't my business to tell though it is close to home. i know was sleepy at one point but i just can't sleep now. i hate this situation. it is making me sad and i can't take this shit.

Just Wanted To Type

i am here just listening to some music that i haven't listen to in a while. it is raining outside and my bedrooms is looking just cozy. lastnight, everyone was hanging out and we started drinking. some guy was going somewhere for a while so he wanted to drink. i was drinking to but not much because i don't like those kind of beers.

so today, i doing a little downloading. i am making my desktop and mouse pretty. it is a cursorskin. i download this thing, i had it before. it is really nice and the very nice thing about it is that i can turn it off when it disturbing me.

i also have this mp3dancer that used to dance when the music starts. it have been a while since i let them dance. any how, i am looking for some cool stuff to download. well, whoever likes to glance their eyes to my blog, can you tell me some cool sites to go to? thanks. (^_^)

Not Any More

Yes fellow bloggers, I am at a stage and age in life where no-one can easily influence my behaviour, my reactions to peoples or what I should like. I have respect for myself and I know who I am and what I am about to just change myself. I used to before, a long time ago, hide myself. well, not any more.

Found My Name

I, once, didn't have a name
In this world people love to hate.
I search through my thoughts,
My dreams, my hopes and goals.
Soon I found
My precious me.
This me, help me to smile
At my mistakes, cry at my failures
And appreciate my life.
This me that is in me
Give me a name.
A name that I love.
A name that is Josanne.

Thinking A Thought

ok. now this is a post just to pass time. it is 12:18am and i have to presentations in the morning for human resource management. i got all my index cards written out and my hang bag packed.

anyhoo, i was thinking there is a different between liking a song and liking a group. and that is true? i could like a song but not the group. for example, i like avril lavigne music. anything she sings, i can appreciate. but i like this song "zombie" from cranberries i think. i dont like anything else.

I Wish I Could ...

a person shouldn't have regrets but a someone cannot help but have regrets. I regret some things, not "heavy-burden-on-your-chest" regrets but "i-wish-i-did-that" regrets. my regrets deal more about boys and certain sports or karate. i wish i used to do back flips and cartwheels. i wish i knew how to beat up somebody besides a guy. with a guy, all you need is a good chance to hit in the balls. and to hit hard and he should be down for the count. but for girls, some like to do the wild swing hand thing. so how i go run in with this girl swinging like a mad man.

but if i did karate i would want to train with the weapon staff. it don't really involve in the face contact. i would like to do a self defense class or something. learn how to flip some one on their back and kick them and run. (^_^)

I Sense A Change

i am seeing, a change is coming for me. i need to do things a little different and change stuff around me. stuff like my curtains, my shoes and pictures that surround me.

well today i had to make a change in the type of shoes i wear. i bought a slipper bought close to two weeks ago. not to long ago and that shoes isn't good. the heel in it bends when i walk and i couldn't find the receipt to carry it back. but i got over that as i know i would have bought another so i decided to put it off for a while.
so, today was going on the mall with me friend when my foot felt suddenly free. i thought it was in my mind but i looked down i saw that my shoe strap burst. i had to buy a new one.
well i wanted a simple casual shoe that i could just slip on but i decided to listen to the little voice in my head that sounds like my mummy and buy a slipper with a back strap. so from now on, my casual slipper will be this high stepping shoe. i hope it dont make me cry.