Fair?

I know that life is unfair but things with me isnt really unfair. It is just that some things in my life need to change. For one, my job needs to change. I am a person that likes and needs to be settle. I like to fall into a groove of doing the same things everyday with one or two days something different happening. Not where every single day some shit happens! There is always a constant change and it has me really restless and really hyper. I feel like if I can cry but I just want to relax and have fun this weekend. But I know that I will be home, doing nothing. It is sad, but very true.

Life is fair, just some moments are shit!

Contact fitting day

Well today was the fitting for the contacts. I must say it was a little funny. The lady came in and she told me to lend my head back against the wall. Open your eyes wide. They always say that and my eyes are wide open. So, she says look straight forward. Look down. Then she push that thing in my right eye. My eyes were watering, and I was only blinkiing. Then she place the other contact in my left eye. My eyes were still watering and she was only telling to look down. So she place me to sit outside with my mom. I couldnt blink my left eye cause the contact wasnt feeling well in that eye.
So, I decide to blink cause I need to get some water out my eyes. Flop. Out went the contact. That was funny. I tell you, I can laugh, giggle and smile at anything I called funny. So she put it back in and told me to keep looking down. Then I blink again. Flop. so we went back in her office.
She change the contact in my left again but it flop out again.
So the decision now again is to come back on Wednesday to a different branch to testing with some different contacts. If those dont work, I have to go to a professional and have them design contacts for me. Surprisingly, I heard that but I was still happy.
If you was wondering why the contact in the left eye flop out is because that eye is mid-keratoconus. So the shape of the corena is so steep that the contact not fit on my eye.

Twenty Five Answers

Ok. I answer most questions.

1. I am most of the times. so yes and no
2. Finding a guy to love me and who I will love back
3. Just being alive at times to experience and meet different people.
4. My ability to laugh at the little things in life.
5. My bad eyesight
6. Their neediness at times
7. I am from Trinidad (and Tobago)
8. someone honest, loving, trustworthing, caring and respectful. and of course funny. I love to laugh
9. I never did that before
10. if so, why?
11. if not, why?
12. I dont want to answer
13. I dont want to answer
14. Well the fact that I have to, and that when I go to work, I will get pay.
15. In a job that I will be happy with and a loving boyfriend/husband. You know... whatever.
16. To take better care of myself
17. Nobody to bother me with shit
18. I dont want to answer
19. I dont want to answer
20. Girlfriends, Gilmore Girls, I have lost track of most shows to tell you the truth.
21. Gabrielle Union, Morris Chestnut, Vin Diesel,
22. Mary J. Blige - The Breakthrough
23. Quiet, Loner, Generous
24. Leo
25. Staying true to me and finding out different things about me

Posting

How many love to flirt? OH I do! Me, I do! I love to flirt. I like making other guys smile.

All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense.

Not everyone can flirt or put it off lightly that they like someone. No reason to force something that you don't have naturally.
Anyhoo, I saw this LESSON OF THE DOG on a site and decide that wanted to share it with you.

LESSON OF THE DOG
If a dog were your teacher, you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie down under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout; run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
And most of all... If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it .

Career test

I did a career test and that was my result. I have actually consider being an artist, being a novelist and graphic designer. This test was more or less accurate.

~~~~~~
You would be very happy in a career that utilised your level-headedness, and allowed you to work mainly on your own. You want a career that allows you to be creative, without having to be involved with lots of people. Some careers that would be perfect for you are:

• Artist
  
• Historian
  
• Banker
  
• Novelist
  
• University Professor
  
• Photographer
  
• Vet
  
• Paralegal
  
• Graphic Designer
  
• Online Content Developer
  
• Webmaster
  
• Producer
  
• Managing Director
  
• Nutritionist
  
• Advertising
  
• Nursing

You like working and being alone. You like to avoid attention at all costs. You tend to keep to yourself, and not interact much with the people around you. You enjoy spending time with a few a close friends. You like to listen to others, but don�t like sharing much about yourself. You are very quiet and private.

You are very practical, and only act after thinking things through. You don�t like being forced to answer quickly. You have to evaluate the situation completely. You make decisions based on what you can verify with your senses.

You like to be deeply involved in one or two special projects. You like to be behind the scenes. You are very logical and fair. You feel you should be honest with others and protect their feelings.

You trust your gut instincts. You are easily inspired and trust that inspiration. You are very innovative. You analyse things by looking at the big picture. You are concerned about how what you do affects others. You worry about your actions and the future. You tend to use a lot of metaphors and are very descriptive and colourful in your choice of language.

You are very creative, and get bored easily if you don�t get to express yourself. You like to learn new things. You don�t like the same old routine. You like to leave your options open.
~~~~~~

Things that make life

I told one friend N on Monday or Tuesday about my eyes. I had send her a nice little email and she was concern and scared for me. She didnt press me with any worries, but just simple questions. Well, I didnt work yesterday. I made up a some-what-truth-lie about seeing blurry. The truth was that the specialist did drop something in my eye that had me seeing blurry for about 3 to 4 hours. The lie was that by the time my shift started I was seeing fine again. Say what, I catch up on some much needed sleep.

I am a person that always believes that no one misses me when I am not there. Well, people did miss me and ask about my eyes. I just say yea, they are fine. Or I just smile at whatever comment they made.

I told another friend H today about my eyes because she was fishing with too much questions. I didnt really plan to tell her, so I just give her the jest of things. Then she started with, "Aint it bothering you? It woulda bother me!" I replied, saying that I kinda made peace with it. But really and truly I didnt want to talk about it. So she asked "What you doing about it? Are you praying?" My reply was a shrug shoulder.

Again, I didnt want to talk about. I talk more this way. When I am typing, I am a blabbermouth with true feelings. In spoken voice, I just like to laugh and talk a pack of shit. So that was during break. Now, during lunch, one of our friends ask how my eyes were doing. She told her fine because she didnt want to be talking all about that. I respected that because I dont want to tell alot of people. So she start again with how she dont understand how it not bothering me. So I told her that I can not let it stop me. I can not just say that I dont want to work and be all sad. I have to move on.
In truth, I have made terms with it. I have express my fear and I will do whatever my doctor says and I will pray. But I can not just stop. I know that is not wrong. So basically at the end of our conversation, I told not to let it bother her.
This happen just Saturday. I need to adjust because this is life. Not everything in life is sweet and perfect. Things happen. Things that make life.

Confirmation

I went to the specialist today. So he basically confirm everything that eye doctor said. He was kind and friendly. So the options are glasses or contacts. I will try for the contacts. He said that if I had told him that I had good vision in this eye before, the option would have be for surgery. Where you would be taking the cornea from a dead person's eyes and putting it in my eyes. So I am happy that is not the route we would have to take. So now I got to go back to the eye doctor on Friday but his results.

My true fear

Okay, I am to share something with you guys that only my parnets know. Well I don't know if you know, but I have bad eye sight. Really bad eye sight. So today, I went to the eye doctor and I found out that I had Keratoconus.

Keratoconus is a disorder that involves a thinning and weakening of the central cornea. The normally round shape of the cornea becomes distorted. A cone-like bulge develops, resulting in significant visual impairment.

Well, from the moment I was in the office until I left, I only wanted to cry. Even before finding out before this rare thing. But now, I got to go to an eye specialist. To find how best to treat my eyes because there is a way to correct it. So I always wanted to send in a secret to PostSecret, so here it is:

"I believe that with my bad eye sight, I will go blind one day."

So, that is my biggest fear. I never said it to no one and not even myself properly. But I am scared.

Finally.

Finally, I made a new year resolution. I am go to take better care of myself. I am going and be strong make a routine and stick to it. I already learn to stay away from ice cream as it make me put on weight. So I am dedicating this year as well as the rest to come, God spare life, to taking better care of myself. From my hair down to toes, I will pay attention to.

I can do it. I believe that much.

Faith

Faith. How would you describe your faith. For these past these days I have heard this word being mention. I wonder sometimes how strong is my faith. Sometimes, I believe it isn't at a level that some people show it to be.
Faith is describe as "Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing". As well as, "Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence". Of course, it is also describe as "The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will".
I believe that things will happen as it should. I pray. I wouldn't say that I pray every night but I pray most nights and mornings. I pray and ask for what I want and I give thanks when it is receives. But in asking, you must be helping yourself along the way as well. You can not just expect things will be done. Now, I don't really go to church, but I pray at home. I am wondering these days about faith. I heard my friend mention that she had faith and that late at night when she is going home, she just pray and walk. "Not afraid of a thing" she says. I can go that but I wouldn't want one. Times are not safe to walk like that. So, I wonder, if I am showing my faith enough?