Moving On

Yes, I am here and I am waiting. I am waiting on the stairs to grow out of the ground so that I can take that next step to that nex level in my life. If the stairs are taking to long to grow, I got a sledge hammer to crack the ground open and a shovel to dig it up. Yes, I can say again, I am ready. I have kept myself somewhat busy these days that I don't know if you can tell.

I can feel the change within me as I stand at the door to unfamiliar territory. I believe that I can move bravely onwards through that door, into the unfamiliar until everything turns into the norm. I have grown alot in thses past two years for the reasons that I had to and needed to. I have made new friends and lost sight of old ones. I have determined my enemies and discovered my guardian angels. I am finally finding my name.

Death By Secrecy

I believe it is alright to have secrets. Everybody has something that they just can not tell somebody. But then again, some people need at least one person to share their secret with. I do not mind keeping my friends’ secrets. But, it is head ache where one friend always has a secret to share about someone, about what they are doing and about to do. It is tiring always to be told something, then to be follow with the words, “don’t tell ...”. It is really bad when everything they are telling you is to keep in confidence. I am a piggy bank of secrets, but, I will not break easy. Too much secrets can tear away the inside of a person, especially this piggy bank. I am beginning to get full and some one’s account will be to closed and opened at another piggy bank. I know too much that I wished I didn’t knew.

Judgement Time;

My friend is guilty of "oversharing", "just blabbing" and "too much secret sharing".

Her Fine:

The Piggy Bank OF Secrecy will not record a few of her deposits.

Believing The Untrue

I like to pretend that I can sing and these days I am just listening to Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine, some Avril Lavigne and some J-kwon. I thought I wasn't going to like his music but he got me. He, to me, is very good. So, with me being home by myself these days, I play the songs on the highest volume and pretend I can sing. Sometimes, my neighbour hears me. I just like to hear the first verse in Sweet Child O' Mine:

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry

That part alone makes me happy and give me some kind of energy. Now, I like Avril Lavigne’s Slipped Away:

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same oh

And also Freak Out:

You don't always have to do everything right
Stand up for yourself
And put up a fight
Walk around with your hands up in the air
Like you don't care

'Cause I'm all right
I'm fine
Just freak out let it go

And also Who Knows:

Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?

Even though I can be singing the whole song, I get really lively at those parts. Now, for J-Kwon I found the lyrics to these two songs. These are the parts I like:
They Ask Me:

[Chorus]They ask me, do I believe in God
So I ask them, did I defeat the odds

[Bridge]
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
Now they ask me how you know so much at 17
What you mean
You never seen a dysfuctional teen
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, woah
Times got hard I had to get harder
Let me take that back I had to get smarter

His next song - You & Me

[Chorus- Sadiyyah]
Don't need no ice and no billie
I just wanna have you here wit me
I'm their for you, always be true
It's just you and me, you and me
You don't have to go double platinum
I'll be their and I'm always goin' back em'
I'm their for you, always be true
It's just you and me you and me

Music can really give you energy. Yup, I believe I can sing below loud music. I don't want to be the reason for rain. (^_^)

No Title For This

well again i have no description for how i am feeling. my best friend from my younger days remember me last night. we talked for a while. for the past few days since i wasn't blogging i was writing in my diary. these things that i wrote were some self reflections that i can not share. it was stuff that i needed to get out of my head. there were times i used to go into a Word program and type how i felt and then just highlight and delete the whole thing.

i am going to join hi5. some friend always sending me an email to join. now i wish i didn't jion. damn! i have been member to so much sites it is a shame. but i won't leave my blogging community.

Un-needed Update

It have been a while since I posted anything and sadly I have nothing important to report. I have been listening to plenty of music and I need now some fresh new artistes that I don't know about to listen to.

Beauty In Giving

i wanted to write a post on how nice it is to give than to receive, but my fingers couldn't touch the letters to form the words needed. i know, personally, that i like to give. i do not like to ask for things and hardly take stuff from people. i am in a mood. not depressed, not really angry but i am, for a lack of a better phrase, in a state. i was thinking of something that i can put together for my mummy. i know she would like it cause it will be dealing with flowers. this lady of mines love flowers. i hope i can create what i thinking about.

Creativity At A Boredom's Notice 3

Vocalizing

I am more vocal through my written words.
People would know that about me
If they were to meet me.
I find some strength,
Some peace, some clarity
Through my writing.
But still in my writing I hide.
I hide behind my most powerful words
And cry for all my weaknesses.
Though, these tears were never felt
On my brown cheeks.
They were felt within me
As it flooded my system.
I am more vocal through my written words;
Or, at least, I try to be.

Making Thought

what a silly, dangerous world we live in today. silly on the account of what kind of people make up this world and dangerous on the account of what these silly people are capable of doing. i have to equip myself with some terminator eyes so i can see, as soon as i meet someone, what qualities and warning they have about them.

Creativity At A Boredom's Notice 2

I was thinking again.

Saying And Saying

I am going to say this,
And I bet not one
Living soul will hear.
Are you going to listen to me?
Are you going to acknowledge me?
Here what I have to say,
"Hello. I am kind. Lets be friends."
Everyone turned their back on me.
I am too kind, too sweet, too angelic
For their company.

But again, I am going to say this,
And I bet this time
Every living soul would hear.
You will hear me!
You will acknowledge my presence!
Here what I have say,
"Whatever. Look I here. I doh need yuh."
Everyone watched me with a smile.
I showed them I was strong
On my own.

I then again said
For my final remark'
"I am kind and sweet.
But I can be rude to any
And everyone."
I paused for a moment.
I looked at their faces.
Then I said,
"I am only a detrimental angel."

Creativity At A Boredom's Notice

I was thinking of something and came up with this. I am bored. But not really.

Breathe

I am holding my breath,
My head, however, isn't under water.
Why wouldn't I breathe
When I know I can?
My life, I can see
Is moving slow before my eyes.
My hands clenched into a fist,
My eyes burns and tears, and
My heart beats faster and faster.
Everyone walks around me.
Why can't they see I need help.
They can't hear me.
I can't shout to them.
When will I come up for air?
I am drowning in my fears,
My hopes and my dreams.

Just Wanted To Type Again

hey people, fellow bloggers, this girl is in a state of friggin boredom. aint boredom a bitch. i wish, i just wish. i dunno what to wish for but i just wish. the only thing that held my interest for the past day or so was java applets. but my interest for that has gone now. i need to come out of the house but i have no money. now that is a new bitch. first, it was boredom and now, it is no money. believe i might find a third one before the end of this post.

besides doing some java work i have been blog hoppin. wishing it was club hopping or bar hopping but say what. at least, i wasnt bored at that time. i noticed that some people put what song they listening to and i thought i could do that. but that wouldnt be me. and i got to be me. i got to be all i can, here in this blogging community. not the army.

well as you can tell, i am bored and got no money. but on a happy note, (^_^) today is my mummy birthday. and of course with out her birth there wouldnt have been mines. Well, it looks like i will end this blog with only two bitches that is boredom and no money.

I got a

I got a heart sick soul. The pic was too big for my blog. But this is what it said.

You have a heartsick soul! Youre the type of girl
who always has a crush and is writing their
name on all your books. You are a hopeless
romantic. Waiting for that prince charming, you
take love seriously, but still play any chance
you get. You can have a lot if boys who are
friends, but waiting for that perfect
boyfriend. Sometimes you are discouraged
because there are no sparks but even if the
smallest thing happens, youre on Cloud 9. You
believe in true love and wait for it. Just dont
be afraid to take a chance. Love is all about
risks.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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I am

You are Schroeder!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
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Touch Of A Biography

This Is My Life

This is my life.
It aint no nursey rhyme,
No story book tale or fable.
Though, my life were full
Of hard lessons to learn.
Decisions I made on my own
Or were forced to make.

This is my life.
It ain't no box office hit,
No #1 comedy or suspense.
But fill with laughs and tears.
Moments I wish I never experience
And moments I want
To continue forever just for the joy.

This is my life.
It is fill with friends I made,
Enemies I identified.
Friends I let loose,
Friends I kept closer,
Strangers I wish I knew
And people I wish I didn't meet.

This is my life.
I am living it.
Living to the best
I know how.
I have stories to tell,
Lies I said, jokes I told,
And advice for who wants to hear.

Story Of A Girl

One day, a girl woke up and felt different. She couldn't identify the difference she felt within her, but a change she knew, was coming. Each of her days felt similar to the last. She had serched within her dreams to find some meanings of her confusion. However, she knew she would find out soon. Each day, though it was slow, quiet and lazy for her, everything was becoming clearer.
Soon she would be living her own life; making her own decisions and reaping the rewards and consquences of each of her decisions. This girl knew that one day, she would awake up and realise that she has her own independence.