Mentally

Mentally. I also reflect on my life mentally. Sometimes, I feel I have nothing to show for my years so far on this earth, except for my age getting older on August 22nd. I know, somewhere in me, i am living my life the way I want it. Simple and quiet. At times, a little wildness but, nothing life changing.

Poetry Poetry

The Moments

Blinded by the confusion
Of the feelings in my heart.
Looking into eyes
Of another, who wasn't at
First tied to my soul.
Quickly,the passion in my body
Takes over all truth and honest
In my mystified being.
As the moments build,
I forgot the love
That I have for another.
I forgot the promises
I truthfully made to him.
At the moment,
I would never be
The same again for him.

Loving Poetry

Last Breath

Slowly, myself is fading from
The eyes of the one I love.
I am no longer breathing,
But gasping at love's sweet air.
My body is numb from
Feeling his loving protection.
His hands, I don't know
If he is still holding my hand.
His cries, I am hearing
Them faintly now.
With my last strength,
I touch his lovely face.
Our love is even stronger now.
Your angel will love you always.

Poetry vibes 4

My pact

How easy it was for you to hurt me.
Your words might have well been slaps,
As I felt each pained across my cheeks.
Yet, my heart holds onto you so strong.
So, I am deciding now, at this second.
I will cry all my tears
For pain felt in the past,
For all pain I felt today, and
For all the pain you will cause in days to come.
I will cry all my tears in my hands,
And rub them into my face and over my lips.
I will take a deep breath then and make a shield.
I am ready for the pain you will cause tomorrow.
As the words lash out of your mouth,
My eyes will look off the ground,
And straight into your blank eyes.
But in my eyes you will see, the pact
I made to myself.
You will not hurt me anymore
No matter how much I love you.

Poetry vibes 3

For all...

You left me for another, as you
Said you didn't really want me.
Though you were gone, you kept
Yours eyes on me and saw,
For all the sad I was sad,
I didn't beg for you back.
For all the sad I was sad,
I didn't just stay at home.
For all the sad I was sad,
I wasn't afraid to smile at other guys.
Now for some reason, you would
Like to have me back in your life.
But, for all the sad I was sad,
I made myself think clearly.
For I realise, I didn't love you.
I just love the thought of having you.
So after the sadness past,
I am better being without you.

Poetry vibes 2

I was just feeling silly!

Playful we are

You know how playful we are.
We watch each other,
From other sides of the room.
I sway my hips side to side,
Watching deep in your eyes.
You rub your hands other
And nod your head gently.
I lick my lips, you stretch your arms.
I turn my head to the side,
And look at you from the corner of my eyes.
You simply look down, nodding your head.
But, I give up for you always win.
I slowly walk over to you,
And rest my head on your shoulders.
I felt the protection
As your arms held me to your body.
I look at your face, you watch me and smile.
You were waiting on your prize.
Should I tease you some more?
No, I wouldn't. Come get your prize.

Poetry vibes

Simple but sweet

I will always stand firm for you.
Never falling backwards, but
Only forward in my love for you.
I will always protect you,
Even when I am scared.
I will always have strength for you,
Even when I am at my weakest.
Each day our bond will grow
Til it ties our souls as one.
Simple but sweet, our love.
It will always be our love,
Til the last second of time.

My mental state

Well to start off, I recently went on a recall. Imagine, I went on a recall for a training that I have never been on. There I was to do a skit, but I hate to be placed "on de spot", so it was very dry and it came off "don't care-ish", which I normally reflect. Well most times. But working in a position where I deal with the general public, I am told that I am very courteous and friendly with my customers. But when I did the skit, they told me that I didn't really connect with my customer, but I was catching my ass pretending to be in front of a computer searching for info. Again, I couldn't care less.

Now, this seem to be my tag line for the past few days, maybe even weeks - "I couldn't care less". During one of several monitoring with my supervisor, where we discuss our performance, she describe me as flippant. It was the first time hearing that word but I didn't ask what it meant, but I knew it was something that I would "steups" about. But first, I will try to re-enact how the word was use.

Start Scene
Me: Well, I understand all of that, but I don't want to seem like if I "don't care" or rushing the customer off.
Supervisor: Well, I know, and at times you may seem a little flippant. But that is what you will have to do to meet the goals.
End scene.

But this was weeks ago and only tonight I looked up the meaning. Surprisingly, I didn't make me vex or "steups". Instead, I found that it was funny.

Flippant - having a quick tongue; saucy; disrespectful.

I laugh because that is not me. When I am in my "couldn't care less" mood, I don't even talk back. I prefer not to respond. Yes, it may seem rude, but it is less disrespectful than what I might say.

So for the past few weeks, I have adopted my "couldn't care less" attitdue to my work. I mean, I still go everyday and give the best that I can from me, but I am not doing that at the expense of my mental health. I believe that since I am working there, I am under stress. So I need to find ways, to just relax my mind and my body. I told one of my co-workers recently, "When I say 'I am tired', I don't mean my body. I mean mental tiredness."

But I feel after all is said and done, I believe I will be one of the few to actually stay. I am on contract. I just finish school a year before I believe. So far, I am working a year and six months. But I can't see myself going back to school as yet as I like making my own money to be independent. But I haven't made a year as yet with this job. But since I have been working there, I have never said I liked it. Even when people ask, I respond by saying, "Well... I getting money."

So, to relax I am going to listen to music like I am mad, crochet up a storm and start back to read. I need to lose myself somewhere to win back clarity for my life and future.