Back

Well, I am back!! I am happy to be back to sleep in my own bed. My time there was cool, and quiet. I meet with a friend and hang out for a while. While I was there, I got a cool poem come to me, but I had no pen, so I shut it out for now, hoping come back to me. I went with my mom and we learned how to find a few places for our own. It is nice to be independent in an unfamiliar places. I dreading going back to work. I will miss my relaxation.

Well.. hmm

Well my birthday was here. It was a simple and quiet day, which is how I usually spend my birthday. Now, my vacation has started and I will be going to the sister isle of Tobago. I wish I had something to report before I go, but nope, I don't. Anyhoo, I will be back before you know it. Don't miss me too much.

,Lone time no see

Lonely feelings in my heart,
Searching for a love
That is not near.
Soft smiles, dull eyes,
Weak mumblings from my lips.
Fingertips that feels nothing,
But a heart feels only pain.

I just wanted to sharre that. I wrote it a day in work but I didn't really finish it. These days, I have found a zone for while I am on work. I think it is working for the moment. My birthday is around the corner. I will be 22 on the 22nd of August. This is the first time that I actually feel the age that I am going to turn. Could be that I am getting older? Who knows and who really cares. I will be working that day but the next day, I will be on vacation, I am working towards that happiness.

I wanted to ask myself some deep questions the other day, but like always I forgot what I was doing. However, I know one thing. I still have a "thing" on this guy on work. I thought it have left me by now, but it hasn't. My friend almost hinted something to him. Why? I don't fucking know, but I don't think he pick up on it.

I am in a somewhat good place mentally. Well a good enough place as I can be. Another I have realise about me is that I have alot of regrets. I got them all in a box in the corner of my mind. I got alot of cobwebs on them, but I want to disturb them. Someday, I will be able to open them and throw each one of my regrets, but that day isn't tomorrow. In time, it will be done.

Search

I am always searching something. But I don't look at the people in my life, how they behave or what they have to offer me. I am searching within myself to just realise what I have and to take the situation as it is. I never what to be lying to myself or fooling myself. That is for people to tried to do. I must have the sense within me to basically detect all that bullshit.

I also try to see what I give to people. Well, for one, I cannot be rude to someone. I am always polite or I just don't response to them. I always keep things within which is not good because one day, I might explode at the wrong time and place. But believe me, when I do, I couldn't care one fart.

But I have to make changes and I have been making changes. So to make peace with myself, I promise to

1. Take better care of myself. No one cannot do that for me.
2. Be more open to my family and friends.
   
3. At least defend myself more. This I have definately put into practice.
4. Make sure no one is using me. I have pin point people in my life that just like use and let go. I have let them go.
5. Always maintain a humble attitude.
   

Life, it isn't cruel or hard, it is just being able to exist within its time mentally stable.