I envy

What I envy most is a strong relationship. I have none no where in my life. I can admit it knowing it is the truth. I have no one to be close. No one to talk to when my mind is troubled. I always have to resort to myself. I am not about to blame other people, I built that wall. But at least, I thought my relationship with my mom could be better. It seems that I always have the courtesy of sugarcoating myself, when others don't do that for me. Part of the reason why I built that wall.

I envy movies that shows a strong relationship between friends, parents or even lovers. I envy movies where the lead character comes to a strange place and become their own person. I wonder if I can find that strength. I would like to try though. I wonder who feels they know me completely. I always surprise people by doing things for them, but I feel happy to give. So I am on a search to built a strong relationship.