Stand-still yet moving

I meet Eric Jerome Dickey on Friday at a book signing. I he signed "Waking With Enemies" for me. It was a cool experience. Nothing big to report. I love his books but my friend is the true fanatic.

These days I have my mind in a stand-still. I did that because I kept running over the same problem, the same situation. I made my peace with it or so I thought, but whenever I stop, my mind just went right back to it. Sometimes that happens because I didn't get to speak my mind. It is sad but how I handle it was like a true champ. I am too mature. Maybe. I am just too mature. I am too quiet. I am too reserved.

I prefer to watch you with a smile.

Problems, But not mine

I have a friend that is going through some things with an ex. I have a theory of what is happening, but I don't want to be involve. I will explain some other time. I got a sleep-headache right now.

I envy

What I envy most is a strong relationship. I have none no where in my life. I can admit it knowing it is the truth. I have no one to be close. No one to talk to when my mind is troubled. I always have to resort to myself. I am not about to blame other people, I built that wall. But at least, I thought my relationship with my mom could be better. It seems that I always have the courtesy of sugarcoating myself, when others don't do that for me. Part of the reason why I built that wall.

I envy movies that shows a strong relationship between friends, parents or even lovers. I envy movies where the lead character comes to a strange place and become their own person. I wonder if I can find that strength. I would like to try though. I wonder who feels they know me completely. I always surprise people by doing things for them, but I feel happy to give. So I am on a search to built a strong relationship.

Sweet poems

Fading Away Love

When roses wither...
My tears begin to flow.
When roses wither...
And the leaves fade
To yellow and brown,
Will I still be strong?
When roses wither...
And thorns of that stem
Grew harder and tougher,
Can I still smile?
When roses wither...
And the red sweet petals
Blow off into the wind,
Would I still find comfort?
And the becoming cold
Touches my body and bed,
Will I stop crying?
When roses wither...
Where can I find you besides
In a black and white photo
Sleeping below my pillow?
When roses wither,
When roses fade,
How am I to love again
When you are no longer near.

Josie for you

Have you guys ever seen me? Well here's me!

Poetrry, I love it

Don't Test Mama

Well, look at them.
No longer respecting my beauty.
I was once held in high esteem.
Painted in pictures in my true suit.
Now, only a few show love
To this gracious queen.
But not enough to hold my sanity.
I will one day
Take back all that was mines.
My seas will roam
Where they were once banned.
And trees will sprung higher
Than any building along this pitch road.
I will be once again
Treated will all authority.
I am after all, Mother Nature.

Just popping in

What is left to write. Everyone has written about everything imaginable under the sun, so what is left. The only thing I know somewhat completely is my life. My life. My stories, my hopes, dreams and fears. I am glad to know that I can make certain statements, but has the control to hold my tongue.

I used to call myself "Piggy Bank Of Secrets". I used to take deposits, never did any withdrawals. Only if that account that reach its limit. That bank is still in operation but I am more selective of my clientile.

i love a poem

We all then I

We all enter into this world
With a knowledge
Of the understanding of this Universe.
Then we all lost that knowledge
Before we understood its purpose.
Now we all search for a knowledge
That we want and need for
Our daily mental survival.
We all know what knowledge we seek.
I seek the knowledge to know
What to cry over,
What to worry over,
What is truly important for life.
I seek this knowledge everywhere I am.
My eyes searched the bluest and grey skies.
I have read the clouds like the words
In my treasured books.
I have held the stem of a leaf
Between my fingers
And felt the water run down my hands.
I seek for this everyday
While the breeze blow at the trees.
I have faith that I will
Find the knowledge I seek.
I have the faith that we all will.

Lovely Poem Time

My smile is a lock.

Why be fooled with my smile?
I will smile with you,
Just not to be rude to you.
But don't think I am fooled.
I know you are being rude to me.
Why be fooled with my smile?
Look past my subtle reactions,
And deep into my thoughts.
You will see the reason
Why I smile so sweetly.
You didn't cause me any pain.
To be specific, any heartbreak pain.
Only showed me alot of disrespect.
But my smile is used as a lock.
For my thoughts and words can slice
Deeper than any sword can reach.

Wow, poem

Whirlwind

Why do you insist on
Being a whirlwind in my life.
Why must everything
Throw crazy about,
And then fall anywhere.
Why not be a strong breeze,
That why you know
Where things land,
And what was done.
But, no, you insist on being
This big, fricking whirlwind.
Well I hope you know,
The damage that was done
To my lonely fragile heart.

Just have to say it

Some people are just fucking cunts. Enough said.

Just Breathing Update

These days, well, weeks, I have been a bit sad. Not the weeping and crying all the time sad, but nonetheless, sad. I have felt a small depression deep within me for some things but, I am trying to make myself believe it is all in my head. I don't know if anyone has notice me but, I don't care if they do.
I have been sad but also happy. Right now, I am very hungry. And my thoughts patterns can not hold while my belly is screaming at me. I will continue later.

Hear, I mean, read a poem

Friendship To Grow

I don't want my mind
To dream, unless
Our feelings are true and sync.
I wouldn't dwell
On what our future
Might be years from now.
But I will wish for
Our friendship to grow
Stronger for tomorrow onwards.
I will fight each day
To realise the reality I am in.
I will each day,
Be thankful for the friendship
That was generously given
From you to me.

Say Poem

I Prefer

I know how to lie,
To show mirror feelings
But I prefer to hurt.
I know how to touch,
Caress and feel like love,
But I prefer to hurt.
I know how to smile,
Sweet and shy, forever blushing
But I prefer to hurt.
I prefer to hurt you
With the truth of real emotions.
Not to fool with shy smiles,
And gentle touches.
I prefer to hurt you now
So that you can move on.

Pissing Me Off

You know, I never had some one disrupt my soul before. Disrupt my mental thoughts and cool being. I feel mean and spiteful, but I have to make a point. I am sorry for everything now, but it will have to be done. Honestly, nothing bad is done to me but I still feel mentally rape. Emotions are rising in me that signals that I am not mentally stable. I am asking for patience and I am being patient. But, my lips can not be lock. You know, I hate my cool, calm-being disrupted.

Happy Love-Sharing Day

I always like to think of a world where we are given our soul mate's info on a post-it. As soon as we have reach that age, it would have be deliver to guys. I would make life easier. Well, at least the love life would be easier. So, this my valentine poem.

Do you have my post-it.

Do you have my post-it.
I receive one today.
It was stuck to my door.
It told me what
To look for today, but
It is still a bit vague.
It reads generous,
Calm, loving and funny.
Carries a beautiful heart,
A strong mind and
A deep, quiet soul.
I know what to search for,
But, do you know
What to look for today.
By chance, I want to know,
Do you have my post-it.

Silly Me

I am capable of doing some silly things somethings. My friends says that "I take in" but I am not crazy. No, umm, no. No, I am not crazy. There is nothing wrong in being silly. Let's you remember that you can be and feel as young as you want. There is no sense in always looking and acting grumpy or cranky. Whenever I am in that mood, people knows that something has to wrong. I am not saying you can smile 24hrs in the day. Because, 8 of those hours are suppose to be dedicated to sleep, then another 2 or 3 is put aside to traveling to and from work, and then 7, more or less is spent in work. So, I am while you are moving around in the non-sleeping world, things will happen to cause a frown.

I try to make things around me light and happy most of the times. So, I am doing my part to make smiles in the world. So, Valentine's Day is coming. And I don't have any one really to spent it with, so I got alot of love to give. So guess who is getting my love. You guys are! I knew that you already knew that though.

So, let's make that day happy and loving.

What, huh, what

What is it that I am trying to say Too many thoughts are being stored away in my minds. Thoughts about life, relationships, career and friends. I wonder if I can do some cleaning of my mind now. I will talk about relationships, because believe or not, it is the simplest one right now.

1. I got no one special for me right now. It had a guy that liked me, but I have reach a point where whenever I think of him, I get angry. So, he ain't go ever happen. I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who I know I will constantly fight with. That is not my purpose of being in a relationship with someone.

2. Career. I don't really know what I want to do. Well, I kinda lie there. I like several fields, fo example, computers, art, poetry writing, literature. I thought about graphic design, I must look into this. I can draw what I see but I can not create. I wouldn't survive as a novelist, at least that is what I think. I will start a story, and then complete it in my mind.

3. I am working on keeping and forming life long friendships these days.

4. Life, is the hardest of them all, where all other thoughts are tie to. I hope to live a simple and happy life. That much I know.

Poem I Say

free me

i am feeling it deep within.
twisting and turning,
trying to get out.
only trying to escape,
but cannot free itself.
lost inside this deep void,
my thoughts and emotions lie sad.
sad by the fact,
that i can not control their order.
restless they are to be free,
but i can not let them out yet.
it is not time for their freedom
to be voiced from my lips.

Quiz Result

My World

I have things to say, but I have trained myself so well to keep it in,
that I can only let a little out at a time. It is sad, isn't it. Well,
it is the world I know. We have a beautiful love/hate relationship that
has lasted for years. The only change that can be done to my world has
to be slow and subtle. A few surprises can slip in, but I wouldn't
allow drastic changes. When I speak of changes, I mean, changes that I can
make, things I can control. Shall I describe my world. Well the main
room is my bedroom, where I do most of my reflecting. Then when you
step out of the door, and walk down a corridor full of my memories, sad and
happy, leads to a big beautiful garden. This garden is my favourite
place. It is full of tall trees, that blocks just the right amount of
sun. You can walk about if you want. When you walk down the stone path
in the garden, it will fork into two paths. The left path where the
stones are a peridot shade, where on the leaves of the plants you will
see my dreams, it leads to a wondrous waterfall. The right path where
the stones are carnary shade, where the pink flowers shows my hopes,
leads to a desk where most of my thoughts are made. But in the lake
where, that beautiful waterfall falls, reflects all my fears. This is
my world. As quiet as can be, as colourful as can be. As the wind blows,
you can hear my favourite songs traveling through the garden.