What Sin You Think I Have?

I am being approach these days about church. It has me feeling that those in work see me was a sinner. But I know it isn't that but, they keep asking me, "Josie, why didn't you go to church this Sunday." I have no problem with church, it is just that I prefer my home. I even bought a chaplet recently. A nice clear peridot colour chaplet. My goal is to say it at least once a day. I now I wouldn't get to say it every day but, my mom says to pray with atleast though.

Truth Or Dare: I mumbled "truth"

Nikki question for me:

"What is the worst heartbreak you've experienced and who was the one who orchestrated it? Details requested please."

For my young years, I haven't placed myself in the position as yet to get my heart broken. I have though, broken a few hearts. But the closest I have gotten to heartbreak, would be for a recent crush I have for a guy name Lyndon. He's in a senior position higher than me in work. The first time I saw him, I liked him for the pretty factor. This boy, in my eyes, was fine! Then from getting to know him, I liked him for the playful factor that he has. He is overall a very caring and generous person. At times I used to think that he might like me for how he was always teasing me. But I have lead to believe this isn't so.

I have been told that he liked one of my past co-workers. Now, I believe he likes one of my good friend. I wanted to hint to him a time that I like him very much, but I afraid to do so. I even wrote a poem about him. I even showed it to him, but I lied to him when he asked who the person I was thinking about when I wrote. I am too afraid to say anything now. Maybe, whenever I leave that employment, so that way I wouldn't see him everyday if he doesn't share a tiny bit of feeling for me that way.

I know this wouldn't even compared to the most painful heartbreak, but it is still a strain on the heart.

Well...

My mental health these days I will say is at a low. I am not depressed really but I am just blah. That is my feeling, I just feel blah. I here, but not really, becausemy mind is wishing and dreaming of somewhere better. But where we dream of, does it really exist? Can we make it exist?

It has been a while since I write anything true from my heart. I am allowing mysellf to be lost in a worl not of peace. I wish to make some changes but I am unsure how to go about it. I don't know what step to take towards education, career and love. I don't know how to trust; how to give my heart to someone; how to look and find love.
What am I to do with all these doubts with me? I am lost without a map of world of that is forever changing.