A new outlook

I think this cupboard is full now. I am not ranting no more. I looking for clarity. Bottling up aint making no frigging sense, so before I explode on someone who deserves it, and then they get more that is needed, I shall type again. So my new thoughts can be found that http://mytrueclarity.blogspot.com/

Stand-still yet moving

I meet Eric Jerome Dickey on Friday at a book signing. I he signed "Waking With Enemies" for me. It was a cool experience. Nothing big to report. I love his books but my friend is the true fanatic.

These days I have my mind in a stand-still. I did that because I kept running over the same problem, the same situation. I made my peace with it or so I thought, but whenever I stop, my mind just went right back to it. Sometimes that happens because I didn't get to speak my mind. It is sad but how I handle it was like a true champ. I am too mature. Maybe. I am just too mature. I am too quiet. I am too reserved.

I prefer to watch you with a smile.

Problems, But not mine

I have a friend that is going through some things with an ex. I have a theory of what is happening, but I don't want to be involve. I will explain some other time. I got a sleep-headache right now.

I envy

What I envy most is a strong relationship. I have none no where in my life. I can admit it knowing it is the truth. I have no one to be close. No one to talk to when my mind is troubled. I always have to resort to myself. I am not about to blame other people, I built that wall. But at least, I thought my relationship with my mom could be better. It seems that I always have the courtesy of sugarcoating myself, when others don't do that for me. Part of the reason why I built that wall.

I envy movies that shows a strong relationship between friends, parents or even lovers. I envy movies where the lead character comes to a strange place and become their own person. I wonder if I can find that strength. I would like to try though. I wonder who feels they know me completely. I always surprise people by doing things for them, but I feel happy to give. So I am on a search to built a strong relationship.

Sweet poems

Fading Away Love

When roses wither...
My tears begin to flow.
When roses wither...
And the leaves fade
To yellow and brown,
Will I still be strong?
When roses wither...
And thorns of that stem
Grew harder and tougher,
Can I still smile?
When roses wither...
And the red sweet petals
Blow off into the wind,
Would I still find comfort?
And the becoming cold
Touches my body and bed,
Will I stop crying?
When roses wither...
Where can I find you besides
In a black and white photo
Sleeping below my pillow?
When roses wither,
When roses fade,
How am I to love again
When you are no longer near.